Shedding my skin

I had this thought in my head today about what the title of my next blog would be.  The first thing that came to mind was this feeling of wanting to shed my skin.  The idea of peeling off the outer layer of skin that you see when you look in the mirror.  Of what everyone sees when they look at you.  Knowing full aware that you are so desperately needing to break out of that cocoon you have been in for so long, way too long.

That is exactly how I am feeling.  I have been dressed in this way for a ridiculous amount of years and long to find my true self.  That person who knows she can stand on her own two feet and know that feeling of independence, freedom and confidence that she has so longed for. 

I have hidden myself from myself and the world since as long as I can remember.  Never truly feeling comfortable with this body.  Never feeling I was worth all that life had to offer. Never allowing myself to truly feel anything.  I had always been the type that if everyone around me was okay, then I was okay.  I would just muddle along.  I made sure that if everyone was happy then I was as well.  Even though I really wasn't.  But I would put myself on the back burner.  After many years of doing this, it has taken it's toll on me.

I have this visual that I am waking out of bed, standing up and "unzipping" this outer layer.  Finally saying and realizing I must now start to begin my life.  The life I really and truly want to live. Stepping out of the OLD ME and exposing myself to this world, this new mindset.  I can only imagine this extremely bright light that illuminates my whole bedroom and penetrates through the blinds on my window.  Whereby, someone on the outside can see the massive ray of light shooting right up to the sky.

I can only explain the "Shedding my skin" as a new beginning for me.  Peeling the outer layers that I have let continue to mount on top of me for many years.  A release of my past.  A metamorphosis, a change like no other.  A magical experience that in some ways has always been within me but I never found the inner strength, self confidence and love for myself that I am feeling now.  I have my moments believe me.  Where those "strengths" are not prominent in my mind and heart. But I know deep down that for me anything is possible.   It's a matter of creating the life I love and enjoy living each day.  It is being able to find the beauty in everything and in everyone. Especially myself.