You are not alone

photo by:everafterglow

                                           
I wanted to write about how at times in our lives what we are going through whether it be emotional, physical, mental stresses or any other particular situations, WE ARE NEVER ALONE.

I know in my own particular case of my weight issues, or self sabotage, or insecurities and lack of self confidence and self esteem, we all have experienced these in our own ways.  When I had written my previous blogs about these topics, I did get some feedback.  It was so touching and wonderful.  To hear from either someone close to me or someone who just so happened to read it on Facebook. They would say thank you for sharing. Or I have been experiencing the same things as you.  How rewarding it was to be able to reach out to others. For them to be pulled into my heartfelt words.  To understand what I was trying to convey.  I realized I had accomplished what I had set out to do.  To touch someone.  Just one person who could feel what I was expressing.

That is all I wanted and it seems to be working.  It goes to show You are not alone in this at all.  I now see that for myself.  I used to think that what I was personally experiencing, thinking and feeling in my life was my issues, my crazy mind, my own insecurities.  How comforting to know I am not alone in this. 

Whether it be relationships with friends, family, spouses or our workplace environment,  and any other significant factor(s) in this equation,  we have all experienced our ups and downs.  It is not easy by any means.  Who said it would be anyway?

What is so truly important is to know that we have others who we can turn to for help, guidance, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold.  Whether it be another family member, close friend, therapist or whomever you feel most comfortable sharing with. 

I find myself rekindling old friendships, finding new ones and further deepening current ones.  I have to contribute this to Facebook.  For whom I would have never found the many near and dear people I hold so close.  In addition, starting up friendships again after 30 years plus.  It is amazing with technology today, we are able to stay in touch with so many people.  This is also another proven way that YOU are not alone in this.  You'd be surprised that once you get to know all those awesome new faces out there, that they maybe experiencing the same or something similar to what you are going through. It sure is a crazy world.  But how boring it would be if it weren't.  So predictable, so mundane and unentertaining.

Life will continue to throw us all for a loop sometimes, it is in our power to change it, turn things around; get out of that crazy whirlwind which can sometimes lead us into a downward spiral of our everyday lives. 

I offer you my shoulder for you to cry on, my hand for to hold yours, my friendship and my love. Remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!!!   

Another year older

I stand here before you today officially another year older.  And I must admit I feel pretty good.  People always ask, "So how does it feel to be another year older?", in this case I am now 41.  Nothing really different I must say.  Only that I am very proud to be 41.  I remember when I was young and I would think people in their 40's were old.  Now that I am there, it really isn't old.

I guess you could say it all depends on how you feel. What is someone "supposed" to feel like at my age?  Are we supposed to be walking around feeling as if we have only so many years left on this earth?  I look at it as if I have half my life still yet to live.  What a wonderful feeling knowing and realizing this.  It is the "glass half full" attitude.  And I am very proud to say that is the way I look at life. 

Who has time or wants to waste their time looking at it any other way.  It is so important to live a life of positivity, love, happiness, joy, optimism and the "glass half full" attitude.  We can of course choose to think the complete opposite and live a life of shear misery.  But who in their right mind would want to do that? I sure know a few and it is quite sad. It is their choice and unfortunately sometimes or maybe even most of the time those types of people will never change.

Anyway, getting back to me and why I felt the need to write this particular blog.  I am now 41 and so another year begins.  A " New Year" to learn and grow, to look at things in a new and exciting way.  To develop new friendships, rekindle old ones or maybe just strengthen and deepen the ones now that I hold so close.  Maybe this year, realize that fear doesn't need to be such a strong and controlling behavior and response within me.  If I can just breaks things down, take a different approach, talk things through, change my attitude or possibly do something that I would never have would dreamt previously that was ever possible.

You just never know what the future holds.  You can only hope, dream, pray, love and believe that whatever your heart desires, it is possible.  Never say never.  Another year older and another year wiser as the saying goes.  It's all about the attitude, how you approach things, getting your mental state right where it's supposed to be.  That positive mindset that allows us to understand that although we will have those moments of meltdowns, sadness, or a bump in the road,  we know everything will be okay.  This too shall pass.  Be thankful to be alive, to be able to feel, that we are healthy and wake up every morning ready to start a new day.

Who ever said life was going to be easy or fair or that there would be no struggles?  No such luck. It is what it is.  I can fill the rest of my blog with lots of cliches, but I won't.  I stand here before you today another year older and so grateful to be alive.

It's all about being a woman

                        A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power – George Meredith



Finding a new sense of self.
It's all about being a woman.
Being proud of what we stand for
Living life to it's fullest
Feeling that empowerment of inner-strength
Not being afraid to believe anything is possible.
Loving ourselves knowing we are worth it all.
Knowing that joy and peace within our hearts and minds
Sharing those bonds of friendship we hold so dear
Encouraging others to stay strong and never give up.
Caring so deeply for one another and eachother's well being.
Expressing gratitude and appreciation for just being there.

Let's always remember that it's all about being a woman.
It's what creates those unbreakable bonds.
We must stand by eachother and not let the ridiculousness of life tear us apart.
Trust in eachother, believe in eachother, learn from eachother.
Being a woman, we have such beauty, such depth, such extraordinary character.
Allow for all of your many attributes to shine, to inspire, to create.
Let nothing ever hold you back from infinite possibilites.
Be confident and go forward.
Never look back and never regret what was or what could have been.

Let's be there for eachother, lift eachother up, encourage and support.
I believe that there will always be happiness, love and light on our paths.

Such Sadness

I have been thinking, actually been doing that a lot lately.  Guess that means I am alive. Seriously though, what has been on my mind is just questioning why there is so much sadness in this world.  It saddens me when I do think this especially when it involves members of my family.

I have had my own moments of sadness. I question why things are the way they are.  Why a particular situation happened. And because it did, is there a lesson to be learned from it.  When you see the people you love going through these times of sadness you wish you had the power to change things around for them.  To be able to take it all away from them and just make everything okay.

I am writing this with such an abundance of love to let those near and dear know that if I had the power and the ability, I would love nothing more than to make everything right.  I think I have always been that type of person to go out of my way to try to be that person.  Just to express that I care and want to see them happy.  I am not a magician and I do not have a magic wand, but to those people I love, I wish I could give you all the world.  Some who may be reading this already know this is how I feel. 

What I can only wish and hope for myself and others is that we somehow and someway find that inner peace and love that may be missing in our hearts and minds.  That desire to find the happiness and joy we so desperately hope for.  To be able to honestly say we are content with our lives.  To be able to find that we are able to live our lives experiencing lots of laughter, lots of great big smiles and a true happiness in our hearts.

Unfortunately, life is not perfect and life is not fair.  And because of this we will always have our ups and downs.  The whole idea is that we take an approach to it which holds the best interest for us.  We are proactive and not reactive.  We understand that with every situation that we encounter, we know that we do not play the martyr, we listen with an open mind and we act humbly. 

I must say that when all is said and done, I have learned a lot from talking to others, sharing life's experiences, learning of their family matters, and admitting we all have problems.  Going to therapy has been such an enriching and blessed experience for me.  So, with the culmination of all these, it helps me to understand that I am not going through these things in life alone.  We can constantly question WHY, WHY ME, HOW COME.  I'd rather question what can I do to change things, of course if I  have the ability to do so.  Remember the Serenity Prayer always.

All we can do is be the best we can be as ourselves.  We need to be thankful that we are alive and that we have what we do have.  There are so many people out there so much worse off than us.  We need to be grateful for our health and that we know God loves us.  That we wake up every morning being able to do all those things we can and at times we may take for granted.  I am sure some of us have from time to time.  I know and I admit I have.

Just make sure and this may sound cheesy!!! (LOL)!!! And know I love you!!!
Turn that :o( FROWN UPSIDE DOWN and make sure to :o) SMILE
Somehow, things have a way of working themselves out in the end.

Much LOVE to you,
Laura :o)

  

Angels, Do You Believe?

A very interesting topic I have been wanting to write about is the idea if Angels really exist. Do we have guardian angels that watch over us that have been sent down by the Good Lord above?

For me, just recently I have been intrigued by the thought and their existence.  I honestly believe that my son is being protected and guided by his Angel.  I read somewhere in one of those books they advise you to buy for a soon to be parent, to talk to your child's Angel.  Ask them to watch over your precious little one.  I have in the past.  When I would be sitting in the rocking chair in my son's room at all hours of the night asking for blessings, protection and praying for the love and guidance of the Lord.  Of course, this was awhile back when my son was a newborn and one of my prayers was for my son to go to sleep.  The continuous feelings of sleep deprivation took over my life during that time and I needed some help myself.

The beautiful picture I have attached with this blog is so special to me.  My mother had given me a print of it which I had framed just before my son was born.  It was at my mother's request to have it hung over his crib.  My mother was giving my precious son in her own special way,  the protection of a Guardian Angel to watch over him.  I hold that gift so close to my heart and will explain to him when he is old enough to understand that his Mama Joan loved him so much before he made his grand entrance into this world.

As for me now,  I honestly believe Angels exist.  They do in their own special way.  Sometimes it is hard for some to believe in something they cannot see.  It is the whole idea of believing with all your heart that something exists. 

I believe that each of us has a guardian Angel that protects us from harms way whenever necessary.  They are there to love and serve.  Just believe and know that you are loved.  God has created these heavenly spirits sent down to give of themselves.  Whenever they are needed they are there.  Just close your eyes and clear your mind.  Ask for their help and know they will be there right by your side.

The Lord Jesus did say, "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." (Matthew 18:10) And (Psalm 91:11) promises, "For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."

Being Open to the Universe

What I have realized while on this hiatus of writing and really not feeling in the vibe and flow, is the lack of connection to the Universe.  That Law of Attraction that every so often we hear about.  Putting out there into the Universe your positivity, your energy, your vibe and flow.  That synchronicity in which all things just fall into place and all things somehow make that connection with eachother.

If you have never experienced it before then maybe you think I am crazy or something.  If you have experienced what I am describing it is quite magical.  The energy flow through your body can be quite intense at times.Quite extraordinary and something you really only heard about and did not believe it really existed.

What was so amazing to me was my ability to find inspiration in everyone and everything I came across.  The words and ideas were pouring out of me.  The ease of being able to express myself was effortless at times.  Something I never realized existed within me.  What an amazing feeling.  I actually used to totally dislike reading and had no desire to even consider writing.  Let alone pouring my heart out and at times speaking of very sensitive subjects.

If it seems I am speaking as if all of this is in the past and not happening currently, I do not mean to convey that at all.  I love writing my blog and sharing so much with you.  It has become such a part of me.  A wonderful means of expression and actually part of my healing process.  As I move forward on my journey to find out who Laura really and truly is,  I may come across some bumps in the road.  I know and all those who lovingly support me know that life happens and it will not stop me in anyway. 

I choose to be open to the Universe and allow all good things, positive things and the wonderful energy flow through me, giving me the ability to soar way beyond my wildest dreams.

Writing again feels so right

So many have been so encouraging to me. Telling me to get my creative juices flowing again.  I want to because I do have so much to share.  As I have said before, the process of putting my feelings and thoughts down and getting it on here, has become quite a therapeutic process for me.  How could I ever not want to do this?  Not want to share and pour my heart out ( so-to-speak).  How could I go wrong? There isn't a possible way I could.  When we speak from the heart, it just can't be wrong.

I have been a shy, introverted person pretty much all my life and I think that is part of what led me to keep things in.  Not letting my feelings out or expressing myself.  It was so much easier to just suppress it all by eating.   To make me feel better, or so I thought.  Keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself I guess was a great way never to be confronted or questioned by anyone.  I would not have to stand up for myself then.  I just always went with the flow.  It was just easier to agree with someone and then move on. 

This type of behavior through out time can only come back to bite you right in the ass.  To always somehow make you end up looking like a fool.  Becoming a doormat for someone to walk all over.  Your lack of self worth is diminished.  Your voice can no longer be heard because you have given it up.  Figuring why should you even bother.  My words and opinions don't really stand for anything.  You'd just be shot down anyway.

Being a woman is something to be so proud of.  Being a mother and a wife is just as important.  It all stems from our strength within.  Our feelings about ourselves.  What we stand for and what we see when we look in that mirror.  That mirror which a lot of us try so hard to avoid.  We have this distorted view, picking at every little detail and what isn't good enough.  I don't know about you, but I am sick of doing this to myself.

You get to a point in your life where you got to just say enough is enough.  How much longer can we torment ourselves?  The only person truly suffering is ourselves.  So much so, that it can bring us to our lowest low.  It will take that much longer and that much harder to dig out from all the bullshit we have put ourselves through.

When do we realize we want more out of life?  When we get to that point where we cannot continue down that destructive path anymore. That path that  leads us absolutely nowhere but in sheer misery.  There is so many different answers to this question.  This is just one particular example.

I feel it is so important to surround ourselves with people who truly care and love us unconditionally.  Those people who want us to be the best we can be.  Those who encourage us, give us guidance, and sometimes give us that needed push to get us motivated.

I am so glad that I am doing this again.  It just feels so right.  I want to put myself out there.  I want people too know what goes through my mind.  What I am feeling in my heart.  It is my truth and with sharing it I can begin to heal myself.  I am allowed to feel, I am allowed to speak and I am allowed to love because I can and because I choose to do so.  I will not allow for all of these things to ever be taken away from me.

This brings me to a saying that a dear friend had told me a while back and I think it is quite approriate at this point.  " I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR"

Self Sabotage, When will it stop???

This is a very sensitive subject for me to discuss.  But I feel the need to do so at this time.  I have gone through these feelings of self sabotage numerous times in my life.  I can see that it rears it's ugly head when I am under a lot of stress. 

I know when it is coming and I know when I am doing it.  I know that it will only become much more stonger of a force if I allow it to do so.  Allow it to completely take over me.  The way I self sabotage myself is by eating.  Unfortunately, eating is my drug.  My addiction.  I cannot believe I am sharing all of this with you.. But I only hope that as I continue writing this blog it will only help me to see the light.  That I am choosing to allow this negative energy, this negative impulse take over me. 

By eating in excess, eating foods that I should not even be putting in my mouth let alone having the nerve to chew and swallow, I continue to do so.  After all is said and done, I look in the mirror asking myself what I just did and was it worth that temporary fix.  That moment of pleasure and relaxation.  Food is my addiction.  My drug of choice and it completely sucks.

At times I hate myself for it.  Asking myself why? Why do I allow myself to intake this poison? These foods that I know damn well are not good for me and can make me sick.  Do I like punishing myself?  Making myself feel and look ugly?

Many of you may think after reading this particular blog, that I need to go into intensive therapy.  And you are probably right.  I have some real issues here that never left me after so many years.  So many years of being overwweight.  So many years of being unhappy with myself, inside and out.  It all stems from low self esteem, lack of self confidence and lack of self love.  Which I thought I had found.  I know I have.  Sometimes these feelings of self doubt and whatever else you want to call it are stronger.  Because I allow it.  I am in control of every action and every reaction.  For the most part anyway.  It makes me wonder about myself. 

I have a lot of soul searching to do yet.  Lots of learning to do about myself.  I know I have come a long way.  And I know what I am capable of doing and not doing.  I know I have will power, determination and inner strength.  I need to find it again. Tap into my positive energy which I know is there. 

I can only hope by me opening up like I have can make someone else who is reading this and can relate to what I have been going through, know you are not alone.  We are in this together.  We all have the ability to rid ourselves of these demons that prefer to stay within us if we choose to allow them to be.  I so desperately want to be rid of them.  I cannot stand to see myself continually self sabotage.  By eating and gaining weight, feeling unhappy with how I look and unhappy with myself period.

I am a soon to be 41 year old woman.  I have half of my life yet to live.  When will it stop?

When I say out loud,  NO MORE!!!