What are we hiding from?

It seems to be that the more I speak to women(friends, coworkers) I have realized we all live with this idea of needing to hide. What are we hiding from? Ourselves? We seem to impose these negative thoughts on others of how they see us. Either we are too fat, too short, too skinny, big boned, anorexic, obese.  When really it is us who is internalizing this. We are the ones.   I know this because I have done it for the longest time.  I feel it is because I have been extremely uncomfortable in my own skin for a very very long time.  I am still to this day at times. I have my moments as we all do.

Do we all wear our imaginary masks that we can hide behind to outwardly portray that we are presentable to others yet we are deeply hurting inside?  Or is it masks meaning piling on the make-up or dressing a certain way. Over-doing ourselves thinking we need to make a good impression.  We want to be "liked".  We want that someone or whomever to want to have a conversation with us.  Otherwise, what are we worth? My gosh, it boggles my mind how we could think so little of ourselves.  It's so sad, because I have been one of them. I have felt like that for many years.

I always felt the need to be or act fake in a way.  It was so not me.  I always thought I was a good person, sweet, kind, personable, easy to talk to type.  So why did I need to hide? Why did I need to wear the mask in order to feel accepted?  It is so weird, so unnecessary. I'd say what I have come to realize is that if someone doesn't want to talk to me, be around me, like me or whatever, who cares.  It's their problem, their issues and why should I care.  It's their loss not mine.

As I see it the only person I should be concerned about is me. I need to understand that I need to be able to impress myself, be proud of who I am as a woman, as an individual.  I have been hiding in my shell for way too long.  As the past year has gone by my journey has had its ups and downs.  As life usually does.  There will always be some bumps in the road.  What I have been taught is how we handle those bumps and how we choose to smoothe them out so our path becomes free flowing again.  I am getting there and learning as I go along. 

I am truly tired of hiding and being afraid.  I think it's about time my face be seen, my name be known, my life be lived.  I have people around me to reach out their hand to help guide me along.  To show me the way (so-to-speak).   Now it is just a matter of me taking the BULL by the HORNS and taking control.

Once we realize what we are hiding from and it just may be our own shadow of ourselves.  Hiding from a fabricated reality which we concocted in our brains of which is really non-existent.   We must remove those walls of protection we have kept up for so long and begin to open up to our true selves.  It is only then we are no longer hiding but now we want to be found.

 As that saying goes, "Seek and ye shall find".

You are not alone

photo by:everafterglow

                                           
I wanted to write about how at times in our lives what we are going through whether it be emotional, physical, mental stresses or any other particular situations, WE ARE NEVER ALONE.

I know in my own particular case of my weight issues, or self sabotage, or insecurities and lack of self confidence and self esteem, we all have experienced these in our own ways.  When I had written my previous blogs about these topics, I did get some feedback.  It was so touching and wonderful.  To hear from either someone close to me or someone who just so happened to read it on Facebook. They would say thank you for sharing. Or I have been experiencing the same things as you.  How rewarding it was to be able to reach out to others. For them to be pulled into my heartfelt words.  To understand what I was trying to convey.  I realized I had accomplished what I had set out to do.  To touch someone.  Just one person who could feel what I was expressing.

That is all I wanted and it seems to be working.  It goes to show You are not alone in this at all.  I now see that for myself.  I used to think that what I was personally experiencing, thinking and feeling in my life was my issues, my crazy mind, my own insecurities.  How comforting to know I am not alone in this. 

Whether it be relationships with friends, family, spouses or our workplace environment,  and any other significant factor(s) in this equation,  we have all experienced our ups and downs.  It is not easy by any means.  Who said it would be anyway?

What is so truly important is to know that we have others who we can turn to for help, guidance, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold.  Whether it be another family member, close friend, therapist or whomever you feel most comfortable sharing with. 

I find myself rekindling old friendships, finding new ones and further deepening current ones.  I have to contribute this to Facebook.  For whom I would have never found the many near and dear people I hold so close.  In addition, starting up friendships again after 30 years plus.  It is amazing with technology today, we are able to stay in touch with so many people.  This is also another proven way that YOU are not alone in this.  You'd be surprised that once you get to know all those awesome new faces out there, that they maybe experiencing the same or something similar to what you are going through. It sure is a crazy world.  But how boring it would be if it weren't.  So predictable, so mundane and unentertaining.

Life will continue to throw us all for a loop sometimes, it is in our power to change it, turn things around; get out of that crazy whirlwind which can sometimes lead us into a downward spiral of our everyday lives. 

I offer you my shoulder for you to cry on, my hand for to hold yours, my friendship and my love. Remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!!!   

Another year older

I stand here before you today officially another year older.  And I must admit I feel pretty good.  People always ask, "So how does it feel to be another year older?", in this case I am now 41.  Nothing really different I must say.  Only that I am very proud to be 41.  I remember when I was young and I would think people in their 40's were old.  Now that I am there, it really isn't old.

I guess you could say it all depends on how you feel. What is someone "supposed" to feel like at my age?  Are we supposed to be walking around feeling as if we have only so many years left on this earth?  I look at it as if I have half my life still yet to live.  What a wonderful feeling knowing and realizing this.  It is the "glass half full" attitude.  And I am very proud to say that is the way I look at life. 

Who has time or wants to waste their time looking at it any other way.  It is so important to live a life of positivity, love, happiness, joy, optimism and the "glass half full" attitude.  We can of course choose to think the complete opposite and live a life of shear misery.  But who in their right mind would want to do that? I sure know a few and it is quite sad. It is their choice and unfortunately sometimes or maybe even most of the time those types of people will never change.

Anyway, getting back to me and why I felt the need to write this particular blog.  I am now 41 and so another year begins.  A " New Year" to learn and grow, to look at things in a new and exciting way.  To develop new friendships, rekindle old ones or maybe just strengthen and deepen the ones now that I hold so close.  Maybe this year, realize that fear doesn't need to be such a strong and controlling behavior and response within me.  If I can just breaks things down, take a different approach, talk things through, change my attitude or possibly do something that I would never have would dreamt previously that was ever possible.

You just never know what the future holds.  You can only hope, dream, pray, love and believe that whatever your heart desires, it is possible.  Never say never.  Another year older and another year wiser as the saying goes.  It's all about the attitude, how you approach things, getting your mental state right where it's supposed to be.  That positive mindset that allows us to understand that although we will have those moments of meltdowns, sadness, or a bump in the road,  we know everything will be okay.  This too shall pass.  Be thankful to be alive, to be able to feel, that we are healthy and wake up every morning ready to start a new day.

Who ever said life was going to be easy or fair or that there would be no struggles?  No such luck. It is what it is.  I can fill the rest of my blog with lots of cliches, but I won't.  I stand here before you today another year older and so grateful to be alive.

It's all about being a woman

                        A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power – George Meredith



Finding a new sense of self.
It's all about being a woman.
Being proud of what we stand for
Living life to it's fullest
Feeling that empowerment of inner-strength
Not being afraid to believe anything is possible.
Loving ourselves knowing we are worth it all.
Knowing that joy and peace within our hearts and minds
Sharing those bonds of friendship we hold so dear
Encouraging others to stay strong and never give up.
Caring so deeply for one another and eachother's well being.
Expressing gratitude and appreciation for just being there.

Let's always remember that it's all about being a woman.
It's what creates those unbreakable bonds.
We must stand by eachother and not let the ridiculousness of life tear us apart.
Trust in eachother, believe in eachother, learn from eachother.
Being a woman, we have such beauty, such depth, such extraordinary character.
Allow for all of your many attributes to shine, to inspire, to create.
Let nothing ever hold you back from infinite possibilites.
Be confident and go forward.
Never look back and never regret what was or what could have been.

Let's be there for eachother, lift eachother up, encourage and support.
I believe that there will always be happiness, love and light on our paths.

Such Sadness

I have been thinking, actually been doing that a lot lately.  Guess that means I am alive. Seriously though, what has been on my mind is just questioning why there is so much sadness in this world.  It saddens me when I do think this especially when it involves members of my family.

I have had my own moments of sadness. I question why things are the way they are.  Why a particular situation happened. And because it did, is there a lesson to be learned from it.  When you see the people you love going through these times of sadness you wish you had the power to change things around for them.  To be able to take it all away from them and just make everything okay.

I am writing this with such an abundance of love to let those near and dear know that if I had the power and the ability, I would love nothing more than to make everything right.  I think I have always been that type of person to go out of my way to try to be that person.  Just to express that I care and want to see them happy.  I am not a magician and I do not have a magic wand, but to those people I love, I wish I could give you all the world.  Some who may be reading this already know this is how I feel. 

What I can only wish and hope for myself and others is that we somehow and someway find that inner peace and love that may be missing in our hearts and minds.  That desire to find the happiness and joy we so desperately hope for.  To be able to honestly say we are content with our lives.  To be able to find that we are able to live our lives experiencing lots of laughter, lots of great big smiles and a true happiness in our hearts.

Unfortunately, life is not perfect and life is not fair.  And because of this we will always have our ups and downs.  The whole idea is that we take an approach to it which holds the best interest for us.  We are proactive and not reactive.  We understand that with every situation that we encounter, we know that we do not play the martyr, we listen with an open mind and we act humbly. 

I must say that when all is said and done, I have learned a lot from talking to others, sharing life's experiences, learning of their family matters, and admitting we all have problems.  Going to therapy has been such an enriching and blessed experience for me.  So, with the culmination of all these, it helps me to understand that I am not going through these things in life alone.  We can constantly question WHY, WHY ME, HOW COME.  I'd rather question what can I do to change things, of course if I  have the ability to do so.  Remember the Serenity Prayer always.

All we can do is be the best we can be as ourselves.  We need to be thankful that we are alive and that we have what we do have.  There are so many people out there so much worse off than us.  We need to be grateful for our health and that we know God loves us.  That we wake up every morning being able to do all those things we can and at times we may take for granted.  I am sure some of us have from time to time.  I know and I admit I have.

Just make sure and this may sound cheesy!!! (LOL)!!! And know I love you!!!
Turn that :o( FROWN UPSIDE DOWN and make sure to :o) SMILE
Somehow, things have a way of working themselves out in the end.

Much LOVE to you,
Laura :o)

  

Angels, Do You Believe?

A very interesting topic I have been wanting to write about is the idea if Angels really exist. Do we have guardian angels that watch over us that have been sent down by the Good Lord above?

For me, just recently I have been intrigued by the thought and their existence.  I honestly believe that my son is being protected and guided by his Angel.  I read somewhere in one of those books they advise you to buy for a soon to be parent, to talk to your child's Angel.  Ask them to watch over your precious little one.  I have in the past.  When I would be sitting in the rocking chair in my son's room at all hours of the night asking for blessings, protection and praying for the love and guidance of the Lord.  Of course, this was awhile back when my son was a newborn and one of my prayers was for my son to go to sleep.  The continuous feelings of sleep deprivation took over my life during that time and I needed some help myself.

The beautiful picture I have attached with this blog is so special to me.  My mother had given me a print of it which I had framed just before my son was born.  It was at my mother's request to have it hung over his crib.  My mother was giving my precious son in her own special way,  the protection of a Guardian Angel to watch over him.  I hold that gift so close to my heart and will explain to him when he is old enough to understand that his Mama Joan loved him so much before he made his grand entrance into this world.

As for me now,  I honestly believe Angels exist.  They do in their own special way.  Sometimes it is hard for some to believe in something they cannot see.  It is the whole idea of believing with all your heart that something exists. 

I believe that each of us has a guardian Angel that protects us from harms way whenever necessary.  They are there to love and serve.  Just believe and know that you are loved.  God has created these heavenly spirits sent down to give of themselves.  Whenever they are needed they are there.  Just close your eyes and clear your mind.  Ask for their help and know they will be there right by your side.

The Lord Jesus did say, "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." (Matthew 18:10) And (Psalm 91:11) promises, "For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."

Being Open to the Universe

What I have realized while on this hiatus of writing and really not feeling in the vibe and flow, is the lack of connection to the Universe.  That Law of Attraction that every so often we hear about.  Putting out there into the Universe your positivity, your energy, your vibe and flow.  That synchronicity in which all things just fall into place and all things somehow make that connection with eachother.

If you have never experienced it before then maybe you think I am crazy or something.  If you have experienced what I am describing it is quite magical.  The energy flow through your body can be quite intense at times.Quite extraordinary and something you really only heard about and did not believe it really existed.

What was so amazing to me was my ability to find inspiration in everyone and everything I came across.  The words and ideas were pouring out of me.  The ease of being able to express myself was effortless at times.  Something I never realized existed within me.  What an amazing feeling.  I actually used to totally dislike reading and had no desire to even consider writing.  Let alone pouring my heart out and at times speaking of very sensitive subjects.

If it seems I am speaking as if all of this is in the past and not happening currently, I do not mean to convey that at all.  I love writing my blog and sharing so much with you.  It has become such a part of me.  A wonderful means of expression and actually part of my healing process.  As I move forward on my journey to find out who Laura really and truly is,  I may come across some bumps in the road.  I know and all those who lovingly support me know that life happens and it will not stop me in anyway. 

I choose to be open to the Universe and allow all good things, positive things and the wonderful energy flow through me, giving me the ability to soar way beyond my wildest dreams.