My therapy session to myself.

I find myself sometimes thinking about how things have changed for me.  My attitude, my patience, my overall way of thinking.  The only thing I see that has not changed for me completely is my ability to speak up.  Mainly speak up for myself.  I sometimes wonder when that day will come when I just say who gives a F!!!   Just tell it like it is.  Just say what's on my mind.

I have always been afraid of confrontation.. Makes me quite nervous.  Afraid of standing up for myself.  I guess you could say I have always been quite passive.  I would feel that surge of blood flow through my body, my face would get really hot.  Finding it difficult to speak. It is just a weird and uncomfortable feeling.  So, in order to avoid this situation, I would not say anything and and move on.  The problem with that is I would always keep it inside.  That stuff can build up inside and basically cripple you.  Keeping it in is enough to make you explode when you just can't keep it in any longer.

I need to start giving myself pep talks.  Tell myself  "I am strong, I believe in myself and have an opinion and I need to say whatever is on my mind and not hold back."   I need to find this inner strength deep within me and know I am confident and what I say matters.  I think what is key is saying on a constant basis " I believe in myself".  Gee and maybe I will actually start to believe it.  Obviously I do to a certain extent.  I am on here blogging my life and sharing my thoughts.  I am finding my strength from somewhere.  Got to give myself some credit.

I am sure as time goes on I will be at the top of my game.. Until then, this is just one big learning process with a lot of ups and downs.  From that, I am destined  to find my true strengths. Just have to realize if there is some downs happening to learn from it.. It's going to happen. I am human and have to allow myself some room for these types of situations.  I am extremely hard on myself.  To an extent that I lose focus.  I cannot let that happen.  Especially now with my son in my life. I need to set an example for him.

How wonderfully therapeutic it is to be able to write down your feelings.  To see it visually instead of just thinking it.. It is a great way to account for your actions.  To take responsibility for things and make changes.  Changes for the good changes to make myself become a better person.  This is huge. I wonder how many other people have the guts to do this? 

Hey, I am just putting myself out there world!!!!!  That takes some GUTS!